very little, in the sense that i still tell him everything, long conversations that i carry on inside my head. i still dont see him, yet that does not matter. my phone hardly rings, it doesn't matter either.
a lot has changed, in the sense that my heart is heavy, burdened by the finality of his not ever coming back. this realisation is slow poisoning me. a lot, in the sense that all that i think of, now, is him.
earlier, i did have a life which i carried on largely uninhibited though he always monopolised my thoughts. he ran through my head everytime, yet there was other waking moments, some times even hours at a stretch when i never thought of him.
now, with him, died my life too. all i do now is to saute our times together in low flame, turn it over and over again, question myself a million times over why i did not do this or that, why i never attempted to change the tide, why he never said a word about me, why he left his family no clue on my existence, why he did not keep his word, why he did not make me vanish with him, why, why, why...there is no time when i am not doing any of these. the change.
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