the beginning of the end

finally, the anger has arrived. it came too late, yet the force of it is alarming. i have been waiting for it for a year now. yet when it came, i was least prepared. and it simply consumed me. completely.

he shovelled crap onto me for a year. i took it all. lost my self respect in the bargain. it was futile, i knew it even then. in retrospect, i think it was my vanity and foolishness that tied me. the self righteous of doing things based on sympathy for someone who is utterly in love with me. and a year of horror later, when i realise that this "utterly in love" never was, what does that leave me with? disgust for self, i had it for a year. this is something new. the anger, no the fury, a sort of fanatical fury that burns me from within. even sleep is not spared. dreams are red in colour too. 

another wait has begun