social concerns

i have professed many a time that the society means nothing to me. yet, as i grow older, i realize that i am a hypocrite if not anything else.

when younger, society and its norms were some far away beasts i had nothing to do with. with each of my mistakes, i realised that society is in fact as close to me as perhaps my little toe is. yes, it is still a toe, which will hurt like mad if hurt but i still can afford to have it amputated.

sometimes, i think it is like those ravenous cancer cells which are eternally hungry – cells who want to claim my whole self and no longer just a little toe. may be as big as a limb. i can still get it cut and use the prosthetic, but then i can’t dance, can i? it is these fears, those demons in my head which lead me.

was there ever a time when i was completely fearless? my father says i was the bravest child he has ever seen. so vouched my grandfather who had seen even more of the world. but then, for as far back as i can remember there were fears. most of the early ones are now downright silly, even some of those as old as a couple of months seem baseless now.

i fear i will ever get pragmatic.
mindlessly driven by fear – this is a phrase i have borrow, for it reasons the roads i have chosen many a time.